It's been six months since I've updated the front page. Know why? Because I'm lazy. Another reason? I don't want to update the item dbase. A third reason, well, honestly, was it ever worth updating about our progress in Naxx or Eye or Sanctum? No. If you can pug an entire raid without a wipe while playing with people named "iRtank" or "Poostacio", then its really not worth updating anyone on how "well" we did in those raids. Suffice to say we killed everything we were supposed to kill.

So what's new? Ulduar. Interesting raid instance if by interesting you mean "not very". Nothing like killing more iron dwarves to break up the monotony of killing...iron dwarves. At least some of the boss fights have been interesting. Love those vehicle fights where I not only get to worry about how well or poorly the raid is doing but I also get to worry about whether a woman driver hits me with her demolisher. That would actually make a fantastic boss mechanic, I'm suprised nobody has thought of that. Make a boss who is permanently PMSing. Have it be 3 phases, phase 1 she throws cutlery at you while giving you the glare of insanity and everyone has to stay out of clouds of other women's perfume scattered around the room or she'll one-shot you. Phase 2 would include her scratching out everyone's eyes and shooting her menstration blood over everyone. The melee would of course have to "enter" her and try to stop the bleeding. You can't stay in "there" too long or else, a) you go fucking nuts or b) she has an orgasm and her shuddering brings down the walls wiping the raid. Phase 3 would just be a stright DPS burn where a tank OTs her angry, menstrating friends while everyone else takes her down hoping to stymie her with their Midol-enchanted weapons before she goes berserk. Of course you have to turn away from her whenever she looks at you, because if she looks at you too long she'll start nagging you about doing the dishes or taking her out more. That will certainly lead to death.

Ya know, that kind of sounds like the Yogg-Saron fight now that I think about it. Speaking of which, we killed Yogg-Saron in 10 man and got gear nobody wanted. Awesome! In our 25 man raid, our group of young, anxious, sloppy, stupid, retarded, useless, good-for-nothing adventurers are up to Freya. Can't wait to do hard modes with this group of slobs. I've seen more coordination out of a group of quadrapelgics drinking milkshakes in unison. 

On that note, we're currently recruiting a Boomkin druid. I'm sure we seem especially appealing after the above 2 paragraphs.

Anyway, I honestly can't remember what loot we got from any of the bosses, we DE'd so much of it that our token black member said "that's wack!" multiple times in vent. In grand KSP tradition our screenshot for the kill just looks like we're standing around an empty field. Guild coordination, gotta love it. Screenshot:

For KSP’s first time at the “cutting edge” of raiding – and that cutting edge must be as dull as Alzheimer patient’s mind – I’m very proud of our accomplishments in TBC. What did we accomplish you ask? Allow me to list them:

1. We managed to finish the TBC raiding experience in approximately 1000 hours less than most everyone else at the "cutting edge". That left us time to pursue other interests. For example: Our main tank had time to go out with his old buddies, get drunk then get beaten up by his neighbor. Our elem shaman had time to have sex with a girl at college! One of our resto shamans had time to come down with a mystery illness. Another resto shaman had time to work for the gov't spying on Iran...and he can hardly read. Our only rogue had time to perfect being asian right down to taking Kung Fu and working in a sweatshop. Imagine if we hadn't waited for all the strats to be posted and instead wasted 3 months wiping on Muru and KJ while pretending to be an uber guild? Shiver me timbers! Thats just not for us.
2. We managed to finish the TBC raiding experience while barely recruiting anyone and  generally being considered the biggest dicks on the server. We also didn't use and help disband another guild so we could absorb their best players. Who says you need to get along to go along?
3. We managed to finish the TBC raiding experience without a husband/wife leadership structure. Normally that would be a recipe for some epic fail, but we somehow managed to get from point A to point B without falling apart (well we fell apart a little, but that was the fun part). And we did it without a wife whispering in my ear at night about who she hates and who shouldn't get loot. Goooooo me!

We’ve stuck together through thick and thin and did “incredible”. And by “incredible” I mean “good for a video game that basically requires repetition to be successful”. The “elite club” Kil’Jaedan killers has a new member! Of course like the old saying goes…I don’t want to be a member of any club that would have me. Besides this club got a lot less elite about 2 weeks ago. Yay patch!

There is something to be said for perseverance and there is no question you demonstrated your desire and heart with this trek through Sunwell. Ok, who the fuck are we kidding here. It doesn’t take much to persevere in a computer game. It’s not like a mountain lion chewed off our feet and we put a tourniquet on the wound and crawled out of the mountains to a hospital. And heart? Did I really need “heart” to mash my buttons and run when I was supposed to? It’s not like I was jumping up to snag a catch against my helmet in the Super Bowl here.

I learned so much about myself and what it takes to be where we are. Know what I really learned? That people I’ve never met need to have someone they’ve never met yell at them over the Internet to be good at a game. The main thing I learned about myself is that I enjoy yelling at people I don’t like.  Know what it took to get where we are? About 10 hours of raiding a week and lots of racist jokes in vent. A patch that makes it so we don’t need to raid another 150 hours helped too.

Some people say its just a game and others say its more. Don’t kid yourself --  its definitely just a game. If you’re learning things about your inner strength and your heart and desire from a computer game you have so many other problems going on that you should just back away from that keyboard and get a grip on the real world. It’s. Just. A. Game. The best part of the game is the people you meet, not the imaginary monsters you kill by repeating a series of actions 57 times in a row in a 6 minute span.

There are 11,000,000 playing wow and we’ve done something that most of them can only dream of…before the patch. A lot more people can pull this shit off now – look at us! Besides I’m willing to bet that 10,500,000 are dreaming of something other than killing Kil’jaden. Like, for instance, I’m dreaming of fucking Miss October from Playboy. Some others are dreaming of their wives disappearing forever…by accident of course. I'm fairly certain 5,000,000 chinese subscribers are dreaming about democracy, making more than $11 a month and having something other than rice for dinner. Still others are, I dunno, dreaming of not having to work for Mary Kay and driving around a pink car. The point is if you think most people are dreaming of killing some pixels in a video game then you really need to get out more.

Hey, don’t get me wrong, it was fun playing wow and killing raid bosses. But the fun came from bullshitting with people in vent and having a good time with them. WoW is something you do while enjoying your friends in vent. If you’re playing Wow to “accomplish goals” or “prove heart and desire” or “complete a dream”, well, its time to take a stiff drink, look at yourself in the mirror and then scream “I can’t believe I spent 1000 hours more than KSP doing the exact same shit they did…and I did it with my wife and a bunch of boring people!”

screenshot:

Normally this is where I'd write a rambling paragraph about how great I am, how bad my guildmates are and how unabashedly homosexual Jaclynne is. However after downing Muru two nights in a row and Kil'jaden looking like a kill tonight I think I will save all my caustic humor and biting social commentary for the KJ kill. Loot and screenshot (yet another picture of us standing around in an empty area):

Give me a "P", give me an "A", give me a "T", give me a "C", give me an "H" -- what's that spell? "EZ MODE"

Yep, so patch day robbed us of 4 additional months of raiding to finish Sunwell. Thank God. When you're raiding 10 hours a week and thats already too much, whatever you can do to reduce that number is much appreciated. 

With the patch came the deaths of Brutallus, Felmyst and the Eradar Twins. Yippee Skippee. As far as I'm concerned the patch just evens out all the handicaps KSP has. We are bogged down with problems other guilds just don't have. For instance fully 1/5th of our raid is asian. That sounds ok until you realize we're raiding and not making Moo Goo Gai Pan or shoe laces for $200 Air Jordans. Also, we have people like Drugstore who are just epic failures at all things hunter -- and right now he's our only hunter (Kimiyo for the love of God come back!!) Last but not least I'd like to single out my warlocks, none of which actually bothered to study up on how to be the warlock tank on the twins. Considering fully 1/2 of the raid has an IQ under 80, the aforementioned 1/5th that are asian and the other 1/5th that are female (in case you didn't know females are open to fits of irrational irrationality. At least thats the impression I get from strippers), its a miracle we can do a heroic sethekk halls with this fucking group. 

Normally I'd thank myself for having the willpower and intestinal fortitude to pull this raid through but in this case...a fuck it, it is all me. KSP couldn't fight its way out of a wet paper bag if I wasn't there to yell and insult them into mild success. 

Oh yea, got into Muru into P2 around 75% in 6-7 tries...yyyyeeeaaa patch!

Screenshots below. I can't remember what dropped of Brutallus or Felmyst, so loots are Twins only:

[Amulet of Unfettered Magics] - Sidine

[Shawl of Wonderment] - Inannia

[Skyshatter Greaves] - Rogerjinx

[Archon's Gavel] - Boostedsyty

[Sin'dorei Pendant of Triumph] - Richarrd

[Pauldrons of the Thalassian Savior] - Katey